ctangelica@blogspot.com

sigh

2006-05-05T15:00:00.000+08:00

kalau nak ikutkan penat, aku tak tau nak cakap camne penatnye dah. buat camni tak jadi, buat camni tak kena, abistu die nak aku buat camne lg..? kalo bende psm ni boleh tolong aku dapat keje nanti lain la citenye. ni macam tak nampak ape-ape yg die boleh tolong aku pun. ke aku yang buta? kalau takdee mak abah aku tak tau la mungkin aku dah give up sekarang. sangat penat, dan sangat muak.

*End psm*

kami ade impian. bukan angan-angan tapi impian. "ok, kite gi lepas nanasue bertunang, sebelum konvo ek." sume ok je, tapi macam kene postpone je. weh kawan-kawan, kalau kene postpone nk postpone bile ar? aku nak keje macam korang gak huhu..

psm oh psm

2006-03-15T19:12:00.000+08:00

Ketensenan mula melanda. Dah tinggal bape minggu lg ni nak kene present PSM, sume org dh start nk jadik cam org gile. Aku pun dah naik serabut, report yg ntah hape2 ni, pastu mail server plus services lain tak up lg. Huwaa.. nak nangis je rasenye. Tipon mak smlm, mengadu kat die pastu die kata kalo nak nangis, nangis je. Biar lega. Huhu apsal la mak ckp cmtu. Lagi la sedih rasenye. Stok kopi & nescafe kena ditambah ni utk memudahkan & melancarkan aktiviti tak tido malam, dan mungkin juga tak tido siang untuk bebarapa hari. Tu sume normal la tu.. student.. biase la lgpun otak lebih cepat berfungsi kalo ade tekanan *konon*. Skrg padan muke ko. Oh psm.. cepatla ko siap... :'-(

Letupan

2006-03-14T02:11:00.000+08:00

Aku sangat jarang marah. Sebetulnya, aku amat susah nk marah. Sebab aku akan simpan je apabenda2 yg aku xsuka dlm ati, demi nk jaga hati org. Tapi kadang2 orang xreti nak jaga hati org lain, yang membuatkan aku rasa org2 camni patut je dimaki hamun depan2 mata. Biar dia rasa apa yg org lain rasa. Setelah beberapa lama menyimpan amarah, aku dah xleh tahan dah td, aku sangat marah dgn orang tu. Tapi, aku xmarah kat dia, aku cite kat orang lain, aku lepaskan kat orang lain; kat member dan kat org yg paling paham aku ( thanks wan !! ). Nasib baik dia ada tadi, sejuk ati aku. Sememangnya aku xreti nak marah depan2 ( apsal la aku still nak jaga hati org time2 cmni lg?! ) Mungkin puncanya xlogik, tp benda tu bercampur-baur dgn perasaan lain; menyampah, meluat, geram, bengang dsb. Jadi la satu letusan yang sikit pun x terpercik kat orang tu. Alangkah bahagianya dia.. Kalau lah semua orang dalam dunia ni boleh baca fikiran orang lain... Hati sabarlah dikau.

busan

2006-03-10T18:30:00.000+08:00

busan ar arini, seolah2 xde ape nk buat padahal byk keje lg ni. melaka cam biase la, panas gile. hehehe tp mlm ni lyn movie final destination 3 plak. dh lama janji dgn bebudak ni, dr last week lg. memandangkan last week xde duit sgt, so g la dis week. tp dis week pun xde duit sgt huwaa...
huh. blank dah. pen off dulu.

Kehadiran

2006-03-04T07:58:00.000+08:00

Perasaan itu tiba-tiba datang. Tidak diundang, tidak diduga tetapi mengapa ia tiba-tiba hadir? Menyesakkan fikiran, menghadirkan ingatan. Puncanya tidak dijumpai, tetapi yang pasti hadirnya membangkitkan satu perasaan yang sepatutnya sudah lama dilontar jauh. Hmm.. hati, kadang-kadang kau buat aku sendiri tidak memahami..

A belated answer to a question

2006-02-25T17:11:00.000+08:00

There's one time where I had a serious discussion with an older guy. I thought having to discuss the matter with a more 'matured' person will give the answer to that thing. He said you have to do this and that, you can't do this and that.. I obeyed some of them, but disobeyed most of them too ~~( aku kan degil )~~. There was a question he asked me that I can’t even answer it until this day : “why do u love him?” the only thing that appear on my mind at that time was : “kene ade sebab ke nk sayang org?”. All my answers were wrong, so I gave up. He gave me the right answer ~~( as if! )~~ and I was mcm percaya xpercaya sgt la.

Life goes on since that, with me still wondering kenapa aku xdpt jwb soalan tu? Betulke jawapan yg die bagi tu and bla bla.. as a person who I sought help and answers and plus for an older person, I gave him my respect. ~~Maybe he deserves that?~~

But some time last month, there was an incident that changed my perspective and point of view, but the most important thing was, I lost ALL my respect to him. If only he don’t do the stupid things he is doing right now.. dlm umur² mcm tu, nk buat lg perangai mcm tu? Hey wake up la. Dunia ni berpusing. You won’t be at the top forever!

Untuk guy yg berkenaan; this is the belated answer for your question, in case you want to know it or you are looking for the answer too : “Love doesn’t need any specific reason at all. It is not how you are willing to change or not, it’s about how you both agree to meet each other half-way. After all you are not perfect too.” That’s all. Thank you.

Love ?

2006-01-26T00:02:00.000+08:00

A poem made by my little brother and his few other frens for school's English project. Simple but, well.. just read on. For me myself pun rasenye xdpt nk wat poem cmni hehe..

LOVE

Love,
What a fabulous word,
The word of romance,
That plays in peoples’ heart.

Love,
That gathers men & women, girls & boys,
Do not know the different of ages,
That is always blind.

Love,
For it to success,
We must be patient,
Failure or success,
It will never end.
Love,
Everyone is crazy about it,
It sometimes makes you happy, sometimes makes you sad,
But love will always be in peoples’ heart forever.

Bila mata memandang & hati berkata²...

2005-12-11T06:47:00.000+08:00

Salah anggap. Buruk sangka. Salah sapa kalau ada org yg salah anggap ttg ssuatu? Mengapa tak sekadar melihat tanpa berkata²? Ataupun sekadar berkata dlm hati tanpa memutarbelitkan sesuatu?

Rambut sama hitam, hati lain². Yup that’s true. But nape x hati yg lain² tu x hanya beranggapan baik? Sepatutnya ia bersih dr segala²nya, mengapa dikotorkan dgn berfikiran & bersangkaan yg bukan²? Nape x take it easy ke… let it be ke… biarlah kat dia ke… xpun, bercakaplah mulut, tp jgn dibawa kemana². Xpun berkatalah mcm mana pun, asalkan jgn berkata yg bukan² & jgn dbesar²kan. Asalkan jgn putar belit cerita, asalkan jgn bwk mulut. Aman dunia. Xde sape yg sakit ati, xde sape yg bgaduh².

Referring to dis, ade la sorg kenalan yg dh agak lama gak dikenali, yg bersifat mcm ni. Adoii laa... kdg² terfikir, napela ade gak org yg berfikiran cmni ek. Agaknye ape la yg die fikirkan smpai ade perasaan nk buat mcm tu? Nk besar²kan cite yg xpatut, pstu nk putar belit lg. Konon² mcm ’aku la yg tau sume bende’ ~~pdhal kdg² xtau ape pun.~~ Kesian pun ade kat org cmni, tp nk wat cmne kan. ~~Maybe dat person is meant to be dat way eheh.~~

Bersahabat biar beribu. Ramai sahabat pun, ade yg berkata², kalo xde kwn pun org bkata gak? Ohh… I remember; there was a bad comment for me which I got from a gathering : “Aju ade ramai kawan.” So it is BAD huh? I just can’t get it. ~~Why? What? How? When?~~ And there is a fren of mine yg pun kene gak cmtu : “ ***** ni ade ramai kawan kan…”. So what’s the point of telling HER dat she has many frens? Oh and I hav the other one; “Ko couple dgn die ek? Tgk rapat semacam je… slalu kuar sama², pastu lepak sama²... ” It’s like “Helloww… duhh!! *rolling eyes*”. Xboleh ke nk rapat dgn kwn baik sndiri? Just open ur eyes, open ur mind. Every human being knows exactly how to take care of itself. ~~Or herself. Or himself. Or whatever…~~ And thanks for concerning for us; we really appreciate dat, but no thanks for having ur big mouths to ‘announce’ the stories to the world. No thanks, we dun need it. Really. Just take good care of urself so dat people will hav good intensions about u, dear. ( Hope dat person won’t take dis writing as bad as wat ( s )he always do. )

Hopefully, jgnla ade lg anggapan² mcm ni lps ni. Just, let’s take care of ourselves ok? Let alone for them nk rapat ngn sape² pun, ngn perempuan ke ngn laki ke, asalkan dia tau apa yg dia buat, & dia tau ape yg patut & yg xpatut. After all, kwn² yg ~~konon² ramai~~ ni la yg kite akan cari, no matter masa susah ataupun masa senang. Trust me.

Finally, it comes…

2005-12-09T02:55:00.000+08:00

Finally, the day came. It’s the time. On 25th of November 2005, hari yg aku rase kitorg nanti²kn dgn debaran ( eccehh.. ) dtg gak. Aku dh berhari² thn diri drp nangis bile memikirkn tentang ni, & nk simpan air mata utk ari tu plak huhu. After almost 4 years of having the greatest time here in KUTKM wif u guys, we are going 4 our own direction now. Sedih? Mmg sedih bangat. 4 tahun tu lama tu. Bukan senang nk ade ‘klik’ mcm ni, & having frens who respect u, understand u the most, always b wif u whenever u need them, laugh wif u until ‘kejang2 perut’ & lenguh geraham :-D, cry wif u when u need a shoulder 2 lean, help u in many ways… mane nk cari lg mcm ni? 4 of us. Bgn² tido, nmpk muka korg. Nak tido, tgk muka korg lg. G mane same², mkn same², lepak same², wat keje same²... Even org bcinta pun x mcm ni. God. Dis is difficult. Seeing one by one pergi, sedihnye xtau nk ckp. Puas nk sorok muka xnk bg nangis, tp xleh gak. Berpisah juga akhirnya. Sape yg nak. Kalo boleh nk stay mcm ni smpai bila², tp nk wat cmne. We just can’t. Time is passing by, life is going on. Either we want it or not, we hav 2 follow the route.

Heida; Heida yg nk blk ari khamis pun kene tahan smpai jumaat, nk tau nape heida? Aku Kitorg xnk bg ko blk sbenanye. Kalo boleh, sume org aku xnk bg blk. Aku pun xnk blk. U were the 1st to go, & u r the 1st yg dpt air mata kitorg. Personally, u r de on who brings cheers in my life. U r always happy, & melayan ko + pertanyaan2 ko wpun kdg² penat ( hehe ) tp mmg best. Dgr ko gelak, huh berderai. Bak kata apai; plg kuat la.. tp syok woo. Thanks for all those helps, hopes, opinions, decisions & courage u gave to me. Thanks sbb jd part dlm life aku selama ade kat kolej ni.. Nt dtg mlka lg kita g mkn telur punyuh & pisang a.k.a jagung ekk… ;-D Igt jaga Mr. Hand bebaik tau.

Aneng; ko plak yg kedua blk. Wpun ko blk ptg, tp aku xsempat nk hang ngn ko sblm ko blk sbb aku pun bz pack brg. Sorry ek. Antara semua, aku rase sume pun tau yg ko la yg plg masuk ngn palotak aku ( sbb ko pun same je :-p ). U r one of special gurl yg aku penah jumpe. Yg tau ape yg nk dibuat, ape yg nk dcakap, yg plg berdikari.. thanks sbb jd another part dlm life aku kat sane. Thanks 4 being de most understanding, thanks sbb sudi dgr my never-ending stories & nangis sama² ngn aku, 4 those ideas, pandangan² ko yg lain dr yg lain, sudi menegur salah silap aku, & atas sume² la. Im sure I will miss ur craziness; nyanyian2 ‘merdu’ ko dlm kete ( huhu ), gila² ko yg kdg² buat kitorg rase nk campak ko kuar kete :-D & yg plg xmenahan bab translate lagu tu la.. nt senang² kite g mandi kat air lompat tu ekk :-p. Ko pun sama, jaga Mr. Adam tu bebaik!

Nanasue; my roomate since sem 1 lg... bgn tido nmpk ko, nk tido nmpk ko gak. Igt lg x kite bborak dlm gelap smpai bdk² ni pelik sbb dgr bunyi je tp tgk bilik dh gelap :-D. Kalo tiba time menggila bleh je nk kuar xkira time kul bape pun, xpun buat ad-hoc plan; tiba² je bleh bersiap nk kuar even tgh study @ wat keje hehe.. Amongst all, ko je yg pndai baca mood aku, phm ape yg aku ckp & ape yg aku nk ckp sbb kite slalu je ‘melontarkan kata2 yg sama’ ( pinjam ayat ko hehe ), pemerhati bebas, pengulas & pemberi pendapat yg plg best, & roommate yg plg best lah. Thanks for helping me in many many many things, thanks for lending ur ears for my stories & kegilaan, menahan mata ngn perangai² pelik aku hehe, for membising & meleter kat aku, menegur aku time patut tegur, atas sume² la... im sure I will miss all of dat. Kalo aku dtg² Mlka aku akan pastikan yg aku selamba je g lepak umah ko ek. & ko pun sama, jaga Mr. Rizwan bebaik gak! Btunang jgn lupa ajak aku ekk.

Apai; Mase kite lepak kat subaidah tghari sblm heida blk tu, at times aku mcm xnk tgk muke ko mase tu tau. Wah mcm sedih semcam je huhu (emo skejap ). Once & for all again, thanks for spending most of ur time wif us, sudi jd kwn lepak kitorg yg plg paham prangai kitorg wpun smpai kdg² ade yg skali dua dpt makian 'tongong' dr die hehe, thanks sbb jd pdengar setia kpd cerita² aku, pemeberi pendapat dr pandangan yg bbeza, thanks sbb jd kawan baik aku & byk tolong aku, smpai ade org anggap lain plak ( kita ade ape²??! ), thanks sbb bg khyril tido kt umah ko smpai kdg² ko xde katil nk tido ( dat is not happening anymore huhu ) & kpd byk bnda lain yg aku xdpt nk listkn kt cni. Thank you so much… hey senang² lepak² sesame lg laarr…;-p

Nanadee; I really really appreciate ur willingness to come over to S’ban just to make sure I’m ok on dat breakup day. Kalo ko xde time tu aku xtau la aku nk wat ape. Thanks for ur willingness to take care of me, to make sure aku xsedih² lg & perati mood aku kalo tiba² jd xbetul plak. N thanks for being the other one who can ‘read’ my mood, even time org lain xprasan kelainannye. Although we dun share everything together, I really value our frenship. Thanks a lot dear.

Frens.. once and for all again, deepest thanks I thank u for anything I owe u; for bringing my laugh back, for taking care of me during DAT time, for giving me strength dat I need… The time we had together was the greatest moment in my life dat I will never forget. Ever. For any journey we choose next, I wish u all de best of luck, & take good care of urselves dearies. I will miss u all badly.

* This is especially dedicated 4 u guys…~ *

Intro.. hehe..

2005-12-09T02:23:00.000+08:00

Erm.. actually aku dh start mengarang ayat² utk blog ni dh lama dh. But I dun hav the nerve & sense nk taip & start building it. Maybe I’m ‘too buzy’ ( huh?! ) or feeling dat I dun hav the commitment to do dis. Tp, ntah cmne td dpt byk sgt idea pstu tetiba plak dpt ilham nk buat, maybe I should start. Xde ape nk buat ni kan, bleh gak menaip² kosong. So keep on reading.. biarpun xbest tp ~~pedulik ape aku~~ aku xkira. Nk tulis gak :-D